


And Love Will Keep Us Afloat

by funfan



Series: Some Loves Are Not Meant to Be [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Lost Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9674579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funfan/pseuds/funfan
Summary: On his summer vacation, Aaron has to face a special someone from his past, and the meeting can turn his world upside down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try in this part of the fandom, I hope you'll like it. I'm not sure how much my depiction of Aaron fits his general portrayal in fanfics, I approached his character more loosely. Anyways, please enjoy it, and if you'd like to, share your thoughts with me. :-)

Aaron collapsed on the mattress with a grunt. The white sheet immediately stuck to his sweaty back. He put his hands under his head and stared at the ceiling, but saw only a black mist through his bliss. Cool night air crept into the room. He was shivering but didn’t have the energy to cover his naked body.

This was heaven on earth. He didn’t mean the tropical paradise where he hoped to escape from the memories of a straining season. _This here_ , this bamboo cabin illuminated by silvery moonlight was where he wanted to be. Maybe he had wanted to be here all his life.

A wide grin spread across his face and his dark eyes lit up, a few subtle wrinkles hiding in their corners. Numbness sank onto his body and he welcomed it. He could finally relax. His mind was free.

The constant chatter had faded out only for one moment, because the little voice in his head was awakening again. This time though, it didn’t pester him with doubts, but whispered delightful promises.

For once, Aaron listened to it. An always alert part of his brain wanted to brush aside the babble, but he closed his eyes and listened.

Through the chatter and his ragged breath, he heard something else. An even breathing coming from right next to him. He savoured it and shuffled on the hard mattress, sinking into an untroubled sleep.

It was close to dawn when he roused. He blinked, confused. He wanted to sit up to check the clock on the nightstand, but his head broke out in heavy protest. He waited until the thumping inside his skull subsided and then tried again.

There was no nightstand next to the bed and he definitely wasn’t in his cosy hotel room.

His heart wanted to jump out of his chest and he couldn’t move. Something heavy was pressing down on him. Another wave of panic surged through him before he realized it was only a duvet.

He frowned. He couldn’t recall covering himself in the night. Damn, he couldn’t remember anything!

He forced himself to think back on his previous evening. He recalled going to a bar, seeing a familiar face there and that they drank one cocktail after another. Then they came here and–

When Aaron remembered, he wished his memories had remained dimmed by alcohol.

His face turned red and he heard only his blood pumping in his ears for a few seconds. What had he done?

After the initial shock, a strange contentment settled in. He still couldn’t move, but he didn’t even want to. Against all the awkwardness, he felt in the right place. Why would he even move? It was wonderful here.

This peace lasted exactly three seconds. After that, the panic returned and he realized how stupid he was a moment ago. He was Aaron Ramsey, an international footballer, although right now he was more like an idiot.

He couldn’t stay. In fact, he needed to get out as soon as possible. His determination washed away his hangover for a few moments – enough to have a look around.

He was in a cabin for rent. The queen-sized bed and a little table with two bamboo chairs made the room packed. The view from here was breath-taking, he had to admit that, even though he had no intention to enjoy it.

He had to leave. The damage was already done, but he might minimize it if he vanished. He ripped the covers off his body, exposing his nakedness.

He almost broke down in sobs when he recalled once more what he’d done the last night. Why couldn’t he forget it? He knew that brooding over his mistake wasn’t getting him anywhere, so he opted for the second most cowardly solution. He would pretend that nothing happened.

He climbed out of bed fighting his nausea. His clothes were scattered over the floor. He gathered them careful not to move his head too much. To his utter relief, he could feel his wallet and cell phone in the pocket of his light blue-green shorts.

He got dressed. His white T-shirt was crumpled beyond help but it didn’t matter. He would sneak out and get a taxi, saving himself from a walk of shame.

His shoes lay in two different corners. He slipped into them, ran his fingers through his tousled hair and took a final look around the room. He wasn’t leaving any evidences behind. Sure, he hadn’t found his boxers, but it wasn’t like his companion hadn’t seen what they hid.

He skittered out, tasting freedom. He would feel bad about this night for some time, but if he could leave unnoticed, he’d have the hope that it wouldn’t haunt him again.

He walked down the narrow hallway on tiptoes. His hand was already on the doorknob when a tender bass made him jump.

‘So you’re leaving.’ And then, after a short pause: ‘Again.’

Aaron closed his eyes. He didn’t dare turn back even though he had no other choice. Had he snuck out, it’d still pass as a _look, I enjoyed it but it still was a mistake_. Nothing optimal but something he could live with. Opening the door and leaving without a word now would be the cruellest thing imaginable.

It took him an eternity to turn around and face his mistake: a handsome guy just shy of six feet. Dan. Aaron thanked God that he was wearing clothes. Dan leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping coffee. His baby-face didn’t match his deep voice. He had smooth pale skin, a small forehead with curvy eyebrows, a wide bulb nose and red lips that curled up in a smirk, revealing the two cutest dimples Aaron had ever seen.

He could take the accusation from Dan, he would deserve it. But that last word, that simple _again_ caught him off-guard. He gulped and shot his eyes down at the floor. He wasn’t sure if Dan sensed his guilt or if he felt bad about it, but the next time Aaron glanced at him, his features softened.

‘Come on, grab something to eat.’

‘I should go,’ Aaron croaked out.

‘Yep, I see that much,’ Dan said. He spoke with a deadpan face, turning Aaron’s stomach into a knot. This was torture. He needed to know how the other one felt. ‘Look, I get you. But please, don’t sneak out like you’ve done something idiotic.’

Aaron held Dan’s look and he got lost in the amber eyes. He didn’t know what to think of Dan’s offer. Talking would only complicate things. He let go of the doorknob regardless, nodded and took a few faltering steps.

The kitchen wasn’t any bigger than the other rooms. It offered only the most basic things. Thinking about it, the whole cabin was more suitable for a one-night stay rather than a vacation.

‘There’s cheese in the fridge.’

‘I’m not that hungry.’

‘Coffee, then?’

Aaron stared at the offered pot as if he didn’t know what the dark liquid in it was. Dan didn’t wait for an answer. He poured Aaron a cup and handed it to him.

‘Thanks.’

‘Sugar’s on the table,’ Dan nodded in that direction.

‘No, it’s fine,’ Aaron mumbled.

He had been right. This was awkward and would only get worse. He had already regretted staying. By now, he could have been sitting in a taxi, headed for his hotel room. Then he would have booked a flight home and work on forgetting that he had ever come to this island.

Instead of that, he was facing reality and he didn’t like it. Not now. Not ever. There was so much the two of them had to talk about that he was afraid to bring up any of it. It’d set them on a never ending spiral and lead nowhere.

‘Your boxers are in the bathroom if you wondered,’ Dan said out of nowhere.

Aaron almost choked on his coffee and spat some of it on the counter. How could Dan be so inconsiderate?

‘What?’ he snapped. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He wanted to be mad at Dan for being so smug and enjoying his obvious embarrassment, but those goddamn dimples! How could he be mad seeing them?

‘I thought you wanted to get a shower before you left,’ Dan shrugged. ‘I’m not keeping them, I’m not a trophy collector.’

‘I’m not either!’ Aaron snapped sooner than he could think it through. He didn’t keep mementos of his one-night stands, mostly because he didn’t have any. So what the hell was Dan referring to? It couldn’t be the T-shirt Aaron had kept after their short but memorable time together. It happened what – eight or nine years ago?

‘Please,’ Dan shot him a tired glance.

Aaron opened his mouth in protest but not a single sound left his throat. Lying to Dan was hard and he couldn’t explain why. White lies came easily to him. Fabricating an alternative reality was a must in his profession with his secrets.

‘I’m sorry,’ he sighed in the end.

‘For what? Hooking up with me and trying to leave without a word?’ Dan asked. ‘Rambo, I’m not a child! I can take it. I simply wish we took it as grown-up men. Or do you think we did anything shameful last night?’

‘No, of course not,’ Aaron drawled.

‘Then man up and stop your mumbling! Look in my eyes and be okay with what we did!’

It sounded like an order and Aaron wanted to obey. If he faced the truth though, he would think about it all the time. But then again, could he ever forget this night? It wasn’t the usual hook-up.

He had known Dan since their childhood, he had lost his virginity to this guy. How could he pretend that they had had casual sex? Shit, sex was never casual with Dan. He knew Aaron’s every wish, he played his body like an instrument. It was almost like Dan knew his needs better than he did or at least he had no problem admitting them.

‘I wish we could take it more seriously,’ Aaron heard himself blurt out.

It stopped Dan on his way to the sink. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I’m sorry Dan,’ Aaron said. ‘You deserve more, especially after what we had. I wish we could have a happy ending. I’m caught between what I love and what– who–’

‘Spare me the details,’ Dan sighed, angry all of a sudden.

‘I’m serious!’

Dan looked back at him stunned. His eyes wandered down Aaron’s strong arms and rested on his fist. He was pressing it against the counter so hard that his knuckles turned white. He had no idea where the emotion came from, but it was there and he couldn’t stop it.

‘You don’t understand what it’s like.’ His lips trembled. ‘I have to choose between my loves because I can’t have both of them. It seems like a small compromise at first but you get tangled up in lies without a way out.’

He prayed that Dan would walk up to him, embrace him and reassure him. Instead, he stared at Aaron, lost for words.

‘Do you want to tell me that you love me?’ he croaked out after some time.

Aaron didn’t know what to answer. He never mulled over his feelings, but the way Dan had uttered that question hurt him.

‘I loved you when we were young. I wanted to live my life with you. Then, the offer came.’

It was the happiest day of his life but it soon turned into his saddest one when he realized he couldn’t turn professional and stay together with Dan at the same time. He cried when he told the older boy that they couldn’t see each other anymore. Ever since then, he was trying to convince himself that he had made the right decision. In any case, it was the wise thing to do.

‘You never told me that,’ Dan said. Regret clanged in his voice as he took a faltering step towards Aaron. ‘I thought you never took us seriously. That I was a toy to you.’

‘What? How could you think that?’

‘I was sixteen and stupid! You didn’t prove me wrong, either.’

‘I had no idea what my life was going to be like!’

‘Not that you can complain. I bet you can afford the newest sport cars and a penthouse with the nicest view.’

‘It’s empty, Dan!’ Aaron yelled. ‘Every single day, I go home to an empty apartment after trainings. I wish I could talk to someone, tell them about my day, ask about theirs and eat dinner together. That wasn’t granted to me.’

‘You could’ve had it. You never told me about this.’ Dan’s voice wasn’t accusing anymore. He sounded like he rued the missed chance they had had.

‘I gathered you didn’t want to see me after our break-up. I don’t understand why you talked to me last night.’

‘I– I–’ Dan tried multiple times, as if he couldn’t bring himself to pouring his heart out. He took a deep breath and stopped stuttering. He looked at Aaron and the first warm smile formed on his lips. ‘Because I missed you. It can’t be that we met by pure luck. I’ve been travelling the world for years, could you imagine that we ended up in the same place at the same time? I saw it as an opportunity to remember the past, and I’m a salesman, I never let such an opportunity go to waste.’

‘To be clear, by “past” you mean sex?’

‘Not just that,’ said Dan. He closed the distance between them and brushed down Aaron’s arm with the back of his hand.

The footballer didn’t know how to react. He shuddered at the touch, but he couldn’t ignore his sudden need to moan. He craved for more. Minutes ago, he was ashamed of what they had done the past night. Now he was ready to do it again without a second thought. There was something about Dan that made him cry ‘more’.

‘I don’t know if you realize it or if you’ll believe me, but I miss you, Aaron. You speak of sacrifices; I’ve had my fair share of them. I travel around the world all the time, selling stuff I couldn’t care less about. I do well in fact. My bosses can’t believe their luck for hiring me. Here I am, an employee ready to fly from London to New York and then to Sydney, Bangkok, Tokyo, you name it. Do you know why I do that? Because I can’t stand being at home. I don’t have a home. I feel the same attachment to my house in London that I feel to this cabin,’ he looked around the kitchen. ‘My life’s empty and working is my drug to take my mind off it. If only I had you by my side. It’d change everything,’ he whispered the last words.

For a long moment, they stood in a deep silence of understanding. Aaron’s heart melted by Dan’s confession, but his brain rebuilt the wall between them. It couldn’t be that he’d been wrong all these years. Enticing though it was, the life Dan and he wished for couldn’t be theirs. Not anymore. Aaron knew that he couldn’t trade his career for love anymore and if Dan was anything like the teenager he’d known, it was the same for him. They’d grown up and life had killed their dreams.

‘Look at us!’ he scoffed. ‘Pathetic, aren’t we? Brooding over a love that could’ve been ours if only we had reached for it.’

‘I don’t blame ourselves,’ Dan replied with all seriousness. ‘We were too young to take on the world.’

‘Has it changed since then?’ Aaron snorted with disbelief.

‘I don’t know about it. But I’d give it a try.’

‘What?!’

Dan must have lost his mind.

‘I’m ready to settle down and start all over again with you. What do you say?’

‘What do I say?’ Aaron gasped. ‘Dan, it’s not so simple! I haven’t seen you in years! Now you turn up and tell me to leave behind everything I have for what? An uncertain future?’

‘You don’t have to leave behind anything. You just get me in addition,’ Dan showed him an insecure smile that vanished before Aaron could have admired its beauty.

‘It couldn’t work, Dan,’ Aaron shook his head after a minute of thinking. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against us apart from the lies I’ve told myself over and over again until I believed them.’

‘Then let’s tell ourselves new lies! Let’s believe that we could be each other’s, that the world won’t care, that the waves won’t crush us and love will keep us afloat.’

He snaked his arms around Aaron’s slim waist and snuggled close to him. The shorter one drank in his scent. He was lost forever.


End file.
